Instinct Vs. Free Will

 I've been listening to Letters From the Earth by Mark Twain, (read by Carl Reiner, RIP) and it got me thinking about the free will that we were "given". 

Free will. It means the capacity of humans to make choices and direct their actions independently of outside forces, physical determinism, or divine preordination. [1] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_will), [2] (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/free-will)

It's both a good and bad idea. I mean, look at what and where free will has gotten us. We've destroyed this planet, and turned someone in charge of earth against us, caused billions of deaths from war, and that's all humanity! 

I sit outside, watching the wildlife who just survive on perfected instincts to thrive... 

Now, I'm not saying instinct is perfect, there are definitely some evolutionary failures out there. The giant panda evolved to be good at falling out of trees with grace but otherwise, cuteness is they're survival instinct...which I guess COULD be an evolutionary move for the sake of their survival...hmm. 

But I digress. Evolution created the fucking Tarantula Hawk wasp. That motherfucker stings and paralyzes a tarantula, then drags it back to its nest and the larvae feed on the tarantula while it's alive and paralyzed until the larvae are ready to turn into adults. That's some fucked up shit right there! What a horrible way to live and die. I feel like when the universe was handing out jobs and said "okay, we just need one more volunteer to be a predator to the tarantula." Everyone else stepped back except the wasp.  The wasp was like "hold my beer".

Again, I digress. My point is that all of these creatures that I watch are specialized in SOMETHING. I wish I was specialized in that way, sometimes. Then again, I am good at a lot of specialized things. I am at expert level in technology, cat and dog care, report with senior citizens, I'mgoid at crocheting...and I might be a bee charmer.

And who knows if instinctive creatures have any kind of free will. Bees are attracted to me and just crawl around on me without any fear. I talk to them and they seem to be responsive. Remember what I said about being a good human? I'm not saying I'm perfect at all, but I think I have a handle on how to treat nature. Live and let live, I say. Nothing deserves to die just for existing...except ants when they get in my car. I went to battle with a bottle of Windex on those assholes.

But that ant colony is massive, so they'll be fine.

I guess for me, I'm luke my dad. I've always wanted to know what my purpose is. Some creatures have no purpose. They just exist to put negative energy out into the world. Crane flies...have no purpose. They do not pollinate, they do not even have mouths as adults. They only exist to lay their eggs so the larvae can destroy lawns. And again, MAYBE that's an evolutionary move too? Lawns are harmful to the ecosystem, not to mention the shit people put on their lawns...maybe crane flies are the evolutionary choice?

 It's kind of a mind-fuck. What's intentional and what's accidental? Maybe we do all have a purpose, or maybe only those of us who try our best get rewarded with a purpose? I have a lot of friends who are trying to be good humans every day and deserve to know their value in this insane world. I wish that for the people I love. They make my life better, just by existing. 

It was a beautiful night.